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I felt like writing something, so here goes....
The Speedster's Survival Guide
As a foreword, I have to say that this article does not approve or disapprove of "speeding" on public roads. Neither do I intend to enter into discussing the logic (or lack thereof) of traffic legislation. This article simply deals with the "real life" issue of trying to get from point "A" to point "B" quick, without getting caught too often. Fact is: Speeding does not happen by chance, it is a decisive action. The traffic laws are known, the penalties for breaking the law are known, you evaluate the situation, you make a decision, it's that simple.
Some people obey the law, they don't speed. Some people live in fear of the law (if you can't do the time, then don't do the crime), they don't speed. The rest of society (rightly or wrongly) evaluate the situation, figure out their chances and speed. It's their personal decision, not mine.
Since these people are going to speed anyway, I have no moral problems about at least helping them to understand the "game". Now before you get out the lined paper and thick crayon pencils to write me some hate mail, I have to tell you that I find indignant people very amusing.
First a few basic thoughts on speeding: Speeding in built-up residential areas is extremely irresponsible and stupid. When somebody steps out behind a parked car (while you are zooming by at 80 km/h), you have no hope of stopping in time. The reaction time and distance is simply too small. The game is not about killing other people. If you are caught speeding in a residential area, you will get no sympathy! Speeding on tree lined country roads is just as irresponsible and stupid, especially when you have passengers in your car. A car has never-ever won an argument with a tree. Trees are life stoppers! Again, the game is not about killing other people or yourself.
The speeding game is a bit like hunting and being hunted. Typically the motorist is the prey, with the police being the predator. Fortunately there are different grades of prey: even the slowest predator can catch a sheep, but it takes a cheetah to catch a gazelle. The speeding gazelle evades capture by honing his sensory skills, by knowing his terrain, by reacting cautious to unknown situations and by having a portion of "gut feeling". The speeding motorist should do the same. Not too many police officers are cheetahs, but far too many motorists are sheep.
To play in the "gazelle league", you have to know the predators. They come in several forms: fixed cameras, Radar guns, Laser guns and unmarked pursuit vehicles.
** The fixed camera is mounted in a gray box on a pole and is triggered by induction coils in the road. There are no effective warning devices against them, except to keep your eyes open. It helps to memorize the location of every fixed camera on your regular routes. Fortunately they are mostly found in residential areas where they do harm to city speeders (and rightly so). Very few are to be found on the Autobahns or Landstrasse, but never get too comfortable (wild dogs occasionally manage to catch a sleeping gazelle).
** The Radar gun is a small device that is easily concealed by the predators. A Radar detector provides effective warning against a Radar gun, but they are highly illegal in Germany and subject to immediate confiscation when the "law" spots that little device on your dashboard. There are three typical Radar gun applications that you might encounter.
Local communities like to mount a Radar gun in the back window of a "kombi" estate vehicle (mostly Ford Escort/Focus, VW Golf or Opel Astra) parked on the side of the road in residential areas. If you ever drive down the road and note a "kombi" with a dark rear window, there might be a camera hiding in there. Traditionally, any self-respecting German local community would only buy German vehicles (in the Focus/Golf/Astra sized class), so you have less risk of being "blitzed" by a Japanese "kombi". Always be wary, if you cannot see through a vehicle, slow down.
Most common is that the Radar gun (with camera) is mounted on a tripod at the side of residential roads and on the landstrasse. The Radar gun will be facing you on your right-hand street side at about headlamp level. The gun itself is sometimes hard to see, but you usually can spot the big dark-red flashlight mounted next to the camera. I have seen several occasions where the radar gun/camera was camouflaged with a camo net, so keep your eyes peeled. If you see something and you are not quite sure what it is, slow down. Lately there have also been reports of radar devices mounted in warning signs on the approach to roadworks sites (where you sensibly should slow down in any case).
The third application of the Radar gun is on the Autobahn. Typically it will be mounted facing you on the left-hand side (in the central reservation), hidden in the shade of a bridge pillar. Never speed under a bridge unless you can see that the central pillars are "clean". I have never seen a Radar gun mounted "in the open" in the central reservation, because the Police then have no way to feed the cables (across the Autobahn) to their hidden observation vehicle. Although most Autobahn Radar guns are on the left side, you get the occasional one parked on the right-hand side (on the hard shoulder or looking over the Armco barrier) just to catch out the unwary. They are rare and usually at the same places (know your area!), but you should never relax.
** The Laser gun is a small hand-held device that is mostly used in residential areas and nearly never on the Autobahn. The reason for that is that the Laser gun has no camera (for evidence purposes), which means that the Police have to physically stop you to get your details (difficult on the Autobahn). A Laser gun is an evil little box of tricks, since it is an instant-on device that will get you before your Laser detector gets a peep out to warn you. It also works over great distances, which means that you have to look much further up the road than for a Radar gun. If you see somebody standing (as opposed to walking or loitering) by the roadside, be careful. Due to the absence of a camera on a Laser gun, your "speed" is dependant on the truth and honesty of the operating officer. I do not have a good feeling on that issue.
** The unmarked pursuit vehicle is a dangerous predator, since they are equipped with miniature video cameras and can nail you for a string of moving violations. Since they are unmarked it is difficult to know exactly who they are, but there are a few clues that might help you to spot them. It will always be a German vehicle in the "middle" class. Preferred makes are the BMW 5 series, Mercedes E class, Audi A6 and a few older Opel Omegas. There will be 2 people in the car (sitting upright), not 1 or 3. The car will be spotlessly clean (they wash them every day), especially noticable in the winter when everybody else will be driving dirty, salt-smeared vehicles. The interior will be empty, no suit jacket hanging on the rr handrail, nothing on the rr parcel shelf. There will be no stickers in the rear window or on the tail of the car. The pursuit predator's game is to sneak up on you from behind and then follow you (at a constant distance) for a given time with the cameras rolling. Always keep one eye on the rr view mirror. If you see a middle class German car following you at a constant distance and you are not quite sure, slow down for a moment and let them pull up next to you. If the package fits the above description, be very wary. Also, never race up to such vehicles with your headlamps flashing and indicator blinking (to get them to move over) since the unmarked vehicles also have rr facing video cameras. They will get you for "nötigung" and make you walk for a month or so.
Some communities used to use a speed trap device that worked with 3 light beams, but the Police had to cross the Autobahn several times to set up the machine and several officers have been run down in the process. I have not seen one in years.
To summarize everything: in this game, if the gazelle wants to survive long-term, it will have to be alert every moment. Keep your eyes open and look, look, look! Pretend you are the predator. Where would you set the ambush? That's exactly there where you should look for speed traps/pursuit vehicles etc. Never underestimate even the dumbest of policemen, they always have the territorial advantage. If, despite your best efforts, the predator turns out to be a rare cheetah and you are caught, here's how to prevent being eaten alive by the system (which is a different game to the first one).
Your first contact with the system would be the police officer. It is quite important to know exactly what the officer can, may and may not do. If your offence was a minor one, the officer may give you a verbal warning (or minor fine) and let you go. In this case it helps to be polite, smile and say you are sorry. In every other case he will (and must by law) bust your sorry ass. DO NOT SAY A WORD!!! You must give your personal details, but do not at any time say anything about your alleged "crime". The police have the power to charge you (which means that they accuse you), but they do not have the power to try you. To charge you they need evidence and everything you say might be turned around and used as evidence against you. You cannot bargain yourself out of trouble with the police. DO NOT SAY A WORD!!!
Your next contact with the system is the public prosecutor. Here is where the smart people (or not so smart since you got caught) do the best deals. The prosecutor is empowered to squash the case (very rare), give you a fine or try you before a judge. This is the time when you need a crafty defense lawyer (preferably a local). Do not go to see the prosecutor yourself, he will propably treat you like dirt. Your lawyer will find it much easier to negotiate some sort of a penalty that will still be less than the judge might give you. If you are a foreigner or have a slightly doubtful case, you might get away with a "donation" to some charity (just to teach you a lesson), but no official fine or driving ban. I said "might", because unfortunately most prosecutors, if they feel that they can win, will haul you in front of the judge. The prosecutor might have his eye on the judge's position and to get there he needs a winning record of convictions.
Failing to do a "deal" with the prosecutor, you are bound to have your date with the traffic judge. Traffic judges are an extremely dangerous and frustrated breed that can do you a great deal of harm if you are not careful. They all come from a prosecutor background where everybody is automatically guilty and it is difficult to suddenly see things in an unbiased light. They are also intelligent enough to know that they are the laughing stock of the "real" judges and that their careers are not going anywhere. Never ever let them even suspect that you also know the same about them. Back to business: if you get summoned to court, take a lawyer with you. NEVER go alone! Stay calm. Shut up and let your lawyer do the talking. They cannot force you to say anything that might incriminate yourself. Always remember that the state must prove you guilty, you do not have to prove yourself not guilty. The burden of proof is on them.
Unfortunately the state usually have enough proof to nail you to the cross. Even though it may hurt, take the pain like a man. You knew the traffic laws, you knew the penalties, you made the decision, you played the game, but you were not good enough and lost. Remember the saying "if you can't do the time, then don't do the crime"?
Still want to play? Either up your game or get out!
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Life served me a lemon.... I made Lemonade out of it!
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