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 Post subject: long read, but funny
PostPosted: Fri Mar 02, 2007 7:57 pm 
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Location: Newport News, VA FT Eustis
ACCORD

Axles Crack, Coolant Overflows, Radiator Drips

ACURA


A Car Under Recall Action
A Case of a Useless Requested Acronym?
A Costly, Unreliable, Repugnant Automobile
All Cars Usually Require Adjustment
Always Catching Up, Rarely Ahead
Always Cursing Untimely Repair Appointments
America Can Use Real Automobiles
Americans Can Underestimate Routine Accidents
Another Car Using Rice Additives
Another Case of a Useless Requested Acronym
Another Contemptible Use of Recycled Aluminum
Another Crummy, Useless, Rotten Automobile
Any Child Understands Real Automobiles
Asia's Curse Upon Rural America
Automobile Causes Ugly Road Accidents
Automobile Causes Universal Road Accidents
Awful Crappy Unreliable Rusty Automobile
Awesome Car, Un-Real Acceleration

AMC


A Major Cost
A Moron's Car
A Moron's Car
A Mutated Car
All Makes Combined
All Mistakes Combined
Another Major Catastrophe
Another Mess of Crap
Assholes Make Crap
Awesome Muscle Car

AUDI


Accelerates Under Demonic Influence
A Used Dodge Intrepid
All Uninformed Drivers Insulted
All Unnecessary Devices Installed
Always Undermining Deutsche Intelligence
Always Unsafe Designs Implemented
Another Ugly Deutsche Invention
Another Understated Dealer Incentive
Automobile Under Demonic Influence
Automobile Unsafe Designs, Inc.

BEETLE


Battered Everywhere; Expect To Lose Engine
By Everyone's Experience, They Last Eternally!

BMW


Babbling Mechanical Wench
Barely Moving Wreck
Beastly Mechanical Wonder
Beastly Monstrous Wonder
Beautiful Masterpieces on Wheels
Beautiful Mechanical Wonder
Big Money Waste
Big Money Works
Big Money. Why?
Blasphemous Motorized Wreck
Blew My Money
Born Moderately Wealthy
Bought My Wife
Break My Windows
Break My Windshield
Breaks Most Wrenches
Bring Many Wrenches
Bring Money Weekly
Brings Me Women
Brings More Women
Broke My Wallet
Broken Money Waster
Broken Monstrous Wonder
Brutal Money Waster
Bubba Makes Wheels (for cars built in Spartanburg, SC plant)
Bumbling Mechanical Wretch
Busted My Wallet

BUICK


Big Ugly Imitation Chrome King
Big Ugly Import Car Killer
Big Ugly Indestructible Car Killer
Big Ugly Indestructible Compact Killer
Bought Understanding It Can't Kickbutt
Built Under the Inspection of a Crazy Korean
Butt Ugly Import Car Killer
Butt Ugly In Central Kentucky
Butt Ugly Indestructable Car Killer
Butt Ugly Indestructable Compact Killer


CADILLAC


Car And Driver Indicates Lady Luck Abandoned Consumer
Cars Are Driven In Long Lines And Crashed
Crazy And Demented Idiots Like Large American Cars
Crazy Aunt Drives It Like A Lunatic Across the Country

CAMARO


Calling All Mechanics - Another Required Overhaul
Can A Mechanic Actually Repair One??
Can't America Make A Real One?
Crapped Another Motor, Another Rear Obliterated
Crappy American Machine Always Requires Oil
CHEVROLET


Can Hear Every Valve Rap On Long Extended Trips
Can Hear Every Valve Rattle Over Loud Engine Tapping
Can't Help Every Valve Rattles Or Leaks Every Time!
Car Has Extensive Valve Rattle On Long Extended Trips
Car Has Extensive Valve Rattle, Or Loud Engine Ticks
Cheap, Hardly Efficient, Virtually Runs On Luck Every Time
Cheap Hastily Engineered Vehicle Running On Luck Every Time
Cheap Hazardous Expensive Vehicle Runs On Luck Every Time
Cheap Heaps Erratically Vibrate Running On Level Even Terrain
Clutch Hangs, Every Valve Rattles, Oil Leaks Every Time.
Constantly Having Every Vehicle Recalled Over Lousy Engineering Techniques
Cracked Heads, Every Valve Rattles, Oil Leaks Every Time
Cracked Heads, Every Valve's Rotten, Oil Leaks Every Time
Crap Heap Enormously Vunerable Runs On Luck Every Time
Crappy Hot-Running Engines, Very Rusted Out, Lose Every Time
CHEVY


Can Hear Every Valve Yell
Can't Have Every Vehicle, Yankee
Charged HEaVilY
Cheapest Heap Ever Viewed Yet
Cheapest Heap Ever Visioned Yet
Crap Heap Enormously Vunerable Yearly
Cruddy Hick Engine Very Yucky


CHRYSLER


Can't He Repair Your Slow Leaky Expensive Rustbucket?
Car Having Really Yucky Stupid Lazy Engine Runs
Chrysler Has Raped Your Sanity Loser - Expect Repercussions
Collection of Half Realized Yet Somehow Likeable Engineering Research
Company Has Recommended You Start Learning Engine Repair
Company Has Rid Your Savings Legally: Electronic Robbery
Could Have Remained Your Sickly Lame Elderly Relative's

CITROEN


Crap Interior Terrible Road-holding Owned Entirely by Nutters
Crummy Interior, Terrible Road-holding, Owned Entirely by Nitwits

DATSUN


Detroit's Angry Towards Sneaky Unscrupulous Nips

DODGE


Dad Owns Dinky God-awful Elf
Damn Old Dirty Gas Eater
Dangerous On Days Gears Engage
Dead Old Dog Going East
Dead On Dad's Garage Elevator
Dead On Day Guarantee Expires
Dead On Delivery, Gasoline Eater
Dead On Delivery, Go Easy
Dead On Delivery, Guarantee Expired
Dead Or Dying Garbage Emitter
Dear Old Dad's Garage Experiment
Death Overcomes Driver's Generous Ego
Dem Old Dudes Go Everywhere
Department Of Defense's Grossest Error
Designers Occasionally Do Good Engineering
Detroit's Only Damn Good Engine
Digs Own Damn Grave Eventually
Do Or Die, Get Engine
Don't Over Drive Gutless Engine
Dorky Outside - Damn Good Engines
Drips Oil, Drops Grease Everywhere
Driven Only During Grey Evenings

DUESENBERG


Doesn't Understand Every Straight Engine Never Burns Experimental Racing Gas

ECLIPSE


Eagle's Cousin Likes Intercooler Pressure Supplied

EDSEL


Every Day Something Else Leaks


FIAT


F**ked In the Ass Twice
Failed In A Tunnel
Failure in Italian Automotive Technology
Failure In Automotive Technology
Feeble Italian Attempt at Transportation
Fits In A Thimble
Fix It Again Today
Fix It Again Tony
Fix It All the Time
Flats In All Tires
Found In A Trench
Futile Italian Attempt at Transportation

FORD


Driver Returns On Foot (backwards)
F**ked over rebuilt Dodge
Fabricated Of Refried Dung
Fails On Rainy Days
Falling Off: Rusty Door
Famous Odor Resistant Dog
Fantastically Orgasmic Realistic Dream
Fast Only Rolling Downhill
Fastest On Race Day
Fastest On Road Device
Fastest On Road, Dip!
Fatally Obese Redneck Driver
Fault Of R&D
Features O.J. and Ron's DNA
Final Organ of Reproductive Discipline
Finally Obsolete Racing Device
Finally Our Racing Dream
Financing Only Rusty Dump
Fireball On Rear Denting
First On Race Day
First On Recall Day
First On Road to Dump
First On Roads & Driveways
First On Rust and Deterioration
First Order of Reproductive Discipline
Fix Or Recycle Dilemma
Fix Or Repair Daily
Flintstone Or Rubble Driven
Flip Over, Read Directions
Flipped Over Rebuilt Dodge
Flipped Over Roadside Disaster
Flipping Over Results in Death
Flying On Ragged Dreams
Follow Our Ruddy Dogsled
Follow Our Rusty Dogsled
Fond Of Resonating Decibels
Fool Only Runs Downhill (expletive replaced)
Foot On Road Decelerates
For Off Road Domination
For Old Racecar Drivers
For Only Redneck Drivers
For Only Retarded Drivers
Force Of Rapid Departure
Forced to Order Rubber Drivetrain
Forced On Reluctant Drivers
Ford Owner Really Dumb
Fords Only Run Downhill
Forgot Our Recommended Defaults
Fork Over Remaining Dough
Fork Over Repair Dough
Forlorn, Old, Ratridden Dustbin
Formed Of Rejected DNA
Forward Only, Reverse Defective
Forwarded Once; Return Denied
Fouled Out Re-done Dodge
Found On Red Dumpster
Found On Redneck's Driveway
Found On Road Dead
Found On Roadside Dead
Found On Rockville Dump
Found On Rubbish Dump
Found On Russian Dump
Found Outside Refuse Dump
Found Outside Rotting Dump
Four Old, Rattly Doors
Four Old, Rusted Doors
Four Old Rusty Doors
Fourth On Race Day
Fraternal Order of Restored DeSotos
Freakin' Old Retarded Driver
Freaky Obsolete Racing Device
Free Or Reduced Drastically
Frequent Off Road Deaths
Frequent Opinion: Really Disappointed
Frequent Overhaul, Rapid Deterioration
Frequently On Ritalin, Designers
Frigin' Old Rebuilt Dodge
Full Of Roaring Drunks
Fumes and Odors Readily Detectable
Fun Obnoxious Redneck Driving
Funding Our Retirement Daily (mechanic`s point of view)
Funky Old Rebuilt Dodge
Funny Old Rattling Dump


GEO


Get 'Er Outtahere
Get Everyone Out
Getting Even Ourway
Good Engineering Overlooked
Got Engine, Oh?
Grotesque Engineering Outdated
Guy Earns 0

GM


Garbage Motors
General Maintenance
Generally Miserable
Generally Misunderstood
Get a Mopar!
Gluteus Maximus
Good Money
Goshdarn Mess
Great Mistake
Grossly Misconceived
Grungy Merchandise
GMC


Garage Man's Companion
Garage Mechanics Companion
Gas Mileage Crappy
Gay Man's Chariot
General Mass of Crap
Generally Made Crappy
Generally Mediocre Cars
Generic Made Chevrolet
Generic Made Chevy
Generic Mutilated Crap
German Milk Cow
Get More Cash
Get More Chicks
Gets Mechanics Crazy
Girlfriend's Mothers Car
Gloomy Mechanical Contraption
God Must Cry!
God's Master Creation
God's Mechanical Curse
Goober Makes Cars
Good Many Clunkers
Good Mechanics Cry
Good Mileage Consistently
Goofy Mangled Creation
Got a Mechanic Coming
Got More Crap
Gotta Mechanic Coming?
Great Motor Car
Great Mountain Climber
Great Muscle Cars
Grungy Mound of Crap
GTO


Garbage Truck Option
Gas, Tires, Oil
Get Tools Out
Gets Tickets Often
Get Tires Often


HONDA


Had One, Never Did Again
Had One, Never Do-that Again
Had Overhauled Nine Days Ago
Hallmark of Non-Descript Automobiles
Hallmark Of Non-Destructible Automobiles
Hand Over Dollars to Asians
Hang On, No Dealer Acquisitions!
Hang On, Not Done Accelerating
Happy Owners Never Drive Anything else
Has Often Nice Dealer Accessories
Hell Of a Nice Damn Automobile
Helping Out Nips Destroying America
Highly Overpriced Non-Domestic Automobile
History of No Dramatic Acceleration
Hold On, No Dealer Addons!
Hold Overs Not Doing Anything
Honda Options Never Deal Affordably
Honda Options: No Deal Available!
Honest, Officer, Nobody Drank Anything
How Odd, No Damn Acceleration
Hugely Obnoxious Nuclear Driving Accident

HYUNDAI


Hang Your UNDerwear Anywhere Inside
Hope You Understand, No Deals Available Inside
Hope You Understand Nothing's Driveable And Inexpensive...
How Your Usual Nerd Drives An Import

INFINITI


It Never Found Its Niche: It's Truly Inconsequential

INTEGRA


It's Nice That Even Girls Require Automobiles


IROC


Children Only Run from It (backwards)
I Race On Credit
I Race Only Children
I Race Only Civics
I Race Other Cars
I Reak of Cologne
I Really Own Crap
I Run Over Children
I'm a Retard Out Cruising
I'm Really Out of Cash
Idiot Running On Coke
Idiot Runs Over Cats
Ignorant Redneck Owns Car
Incredibly Ragged Out Crap
International Race Of Crap
It's Really Only a Camaro
Italian Retard Out Cruising



JAGUAR


Jags Always Guarantee Unlimited Astronomical Repairs
Junk Always Going Under At Repair Shop

JEEP


Jalopy Extrordinaire - Everything Piecemeal
Jinxed Engine has Extra Parts
Jr. Engineered Every Part
Jump Excitedly in Every Pothole
Jumps Everything Ever Parked
Junk Each and Every Piece
Junk Electrical and Emissions Parts
Junk Engineering Executed Poorly
Junk Everyone Eyes for Parts
Junky Engines Eat Parts
Just Eats Every Part
Just Empty Every Pocket
Just Enough Engine Power?
Just Enough Engineering Problemss
Just Everyone Elses Parts
Just Expect Essential Parts
Just Expect Extra Payments


KIA


Keep It Away
Kick It Again
Kill It Anyway
Killed In Action
Killed In Assembly
Kills In Accidents
Korea's Incompetence Amazing
Krap in Action

LEMANS


Least Enjoyable Machine - Always Needs Something
Look Everyone My Anus Noticeably Stinks

LINCOLN


Love It Now 'Cause Only Looks Nifty

LTD


Last Time Driving
Last To Die
Last Try from Detroit
Left To Die
Little Tin Dream
Little Transportation Delivered
Long Term Debt
Long Term Disability
Long, Thin Dumpster
Long Time Driving
Lousy Transportation, Dammit!
Loves To Die
Loves To Drive

MAZDA


Making A Zillion Dollars Annually
Model All Zoids Drive Aimlessly
Most Always Zipping Dangerously Along
My! Another Zany Detroit Assassin!

MERCEDES


Money Envy Reliably Causes Every Derogatory Expletive to Surface
Most Eccentric Rich Capitalists Enjoy Driving Expensive Sedans
Most Every Red Cent Eventually Dissipates, Extinguishing Savings

MERCURY


Makes Envisioning REAL Car Understandable -- Recalled Yet?
Makes Everyone Really Crave Underpowered, Recalled Yugo
Mileage Eventually Ruins Car -- Usually Ruins You
Motorists Easily Rate Car (Usually "Real Yo-yo")

METRO


Mangey Environmentalist Transporter Rusts On
Martha, Every Thing Rattles Off!
May Every Thing Rattle On
May Endure Teasing, Ridicule, and Ostracism
Mileage's Everything; Torque, Running's Out
Monkeys Engineered This Road Obstacle
My Endeared Transportatin Rusted Out

MG/MGB/MGF


Merciless Garbage
Might Go
Might Go Backwards
Might Go Forward
Mobile Garbage
Money Grabber
Money Guzzler

MIATA


My Intention: Always To Accelerate

MITSUBISHI


Management Incessantly Tolerates Socially Unacceptable Behavior, Ignoring Sexual Harassment Incidents
May Involve Turbos, Suck Unless Boost Is Seriously High Inside
Mostly In The Shop Undergoing Big Investments, Sometimes Halfway Incomplete
Motor Is Tough, Sounds Unbelievably Bad, Intimidates Slow Hondas Incessantly

MOPAR


Made Of Plastic And Rubber
Made Of Plastic And Rust
Many Odd Parts Arranged Randomly
Massively OverPowered And Respected
Masters Or Performance and Racing
Miscellaneous Oddball Parts Assembled Ridiculously
Mitsubishi's Over Priced American Replicars
More Overall Performance And Reliability
More Overall Power And Reliability
Most Often Passed At Races
Most Often Proven At the Racetrack
Most OverPowered And Respected
MOst Perfect Automobiles for Racing
Mostly Obsolete Parts Assembled Randomly
Mostly Old Paint And Rust
Mostly Old Parts And Rust
Mounds Of Power And Revs
Move Over, Pentastar Approaching Rapidly
Move Over People Are Racing
Move Over Plymouth Approaching Rapidly
Move Over Plymouths Are Racing
Move Over Pontiac Approaching Rapidly
My Old Pig Ain't Running
My Old Pig Always Roars
My Old Plymouth Ain't Runnin.
My Only Problems Are Repairs

MUSTANG


Massively Ugly Sh*tpile That's Always No Good
Men Usually Stand Together And Never Go
Motor Under Strain, Transmission Almost No Good



NISSAN


Needless Innovations, Silly, Stupid, Automotive Nonsense
Needs Imminent Salvage So Abandon Now
Never I Shall Steal Another Nissan
Never In Synch Screeching Awful Noises
Nine Idiots Standing, Saying Absolutely Nothing
Now in Stupid Shape, Always Nasty

NOVA


Naturally Obnoxious Vehicle Award
New Owner Very Ashamed
Nightmarish Occult Vehicle Apparition
Nine Old Vagrant Alcoholics
No Offense - Very Average
Noticeably Outstanding Vehicle Award
Noticeably Outstanding Visible Abhorrence


OLDS


Obnoxious, Loud Death Sled
Older, Louder, Dumber, Slower
One Leak, Dead Starter

OLDSMOBILE


Oh Look, Dammit, Some Massive Oil Burning Idiot's Leaking Everything
Old Ladies Drive Slow - Mostly Over Bridges Into Lake Erie
Old Ladies Driving Slowly, Making Others Behind Infuriatingly Late Everyday
Old Lady Did Some Mechanical Overtime Because It Lacked Energy
Old Loose Dented Sheet Metal Outdated By Infamies Like Edsel
Overpriced, Leisurely Driven Sedan Made Of Buick's Irregular Leftover Equipment

PINTO


Paid Inspector Nicely To Overlook
Performance Is Not The Object
Put In New Transmission Often
Put In Nickel To Operate
Pyrotechnics Is Naturally The Object

PLYMOUTH


Please Let Your Mother Out from Under The Hood!
Police Laugh, Young Men Ogle, Underestimating This Heap

PONTIAC


People On Narcotics Think It's A Chevy
Poor Old Nitwit Thinks Its A Cadillac
Pretty Overpriced Not That I Am Concerned
Puts Out Noxious Toxins In All Cities
PORSCHE


Phased Out Racer-Still Can't Hold Engine
Piece Of Retired Scrap, Continually High Expense
Piece Of Rubbish, Saps Continually High Expense
Pity Only Rich Suckers Can Have 'Em
Please Overlook Really Sh*tty Cardboard Horrible Engine
Please Overlook Really Smutty Cardboard Horrible Engine
Proof Of Rich Spoiled Children Having Everything
Pulled Over Regularly So Cops Have Enough
Puts Out Really Smoky Carbonate Hazardous Emissions

PRELUDE


Pistons Rattle, Engine Locks Up, Differential Explodes

PROBE


Plainly Runs Only By Exception

RABBIT


Racy? Ain't! Bouncy, Bad Itty-bitty Toy!
Replace A Beetle? Boy, It Tried

RAM


Really All Malfunctioning
Really Awful Manufacturing
Runs Almost Monthly
Rust And Mold

RENAULT


Retarded Engine, No Acceleration, Ugly Lump of Trash

ROLLS-ROYCE


Rich Old Ladies Love Spending - Really Old Yuppies Charge Everything

SAAB


Scary Antique Absent Brakes
Sad Attempt At Beauty
Send Another Atrocity Back
Send Another Automobile Back
Send Away Ass Backwards
Shake And Advance Backwards
Shape Appears Ass-Backward
Simply Archaic And Broken
Slick As A Brick
Something Always Appears Broken
Sorely Absent Any Benefits
Sorry Assemly Absorbing Bucks
Sorry Auto, Always Broken
Start Adding Additional Brakefluid
Still Another Ass Bucket
Stinking Atrocity Absent Beauty
Stinky As A Bug
Sucks Away All Bucks
Surely Absorbs All Bucks
Swedish Auto - Always Broken
Swedish Auto's Are Best
Swedish Automobile - Always Broken
Swedish Automobiles Always Breakdown
Swedish Automobiles Are Beastly

SABLE


Sleazy Auto Brakes Leak Everytime

SATURN


Slamming Automatic Transmissions, Undiagnosed Rattle
Sorry About That Unexpected Recall Notice
Sounds Absolutely Terrible, Unbelievable Rattling Noises
Supposedly American Technology Unfortunately Really Nissan

SUBARU


Screwed Up Beyond All Repair Usually
Send Undercover Boat And Radioactive Uranium
Sorry Unreal Bonsai Attempt at a Russian U-boat
U R A BUS (read backwards)

TOYOTA


Take Off Your Oversised Tires, Asswhole
Taking Our Yen Out -- Thanks All
The One You Ought To Avoid
Too Often Yankees Overprice This Auto
Torturous On Your Old Tired Ass
Toyota Overcharges You On Their Accessories
Transportation Of Young Or Tasteless Airheads

TRIUMPH


The Risk Involving Useless Machinery Pays Heavily
This Really Is Unreliable Man, Please Help!
Trembling Ride, Intrusive Undercarriage, Meekly Powered Hotrod.
Tried Repairing It Until My Parts Hurt!

VOLKSWAGEN


Vehicle Owner's List: Kite String, Wire, Aluminum, Gum, Engine (NOT!)
Venerable Old Lunk Keeps Starting With Astounding German Engineering Niftiness
Very Obsolete, Losers Knowingly Suffer With All German Engineered Nonsense

VOLVO


Vagrant Owned Lousy Vehicle Organization
Vehicles Of Low Velocity Owners
Very Obsolete Looking Vehicle Oddity
Very Odd Looking Vehicular Object
Very Often Loses Viable Operation
Very Ornate Luxury Vehicle, Originally
Very Outlandish Looking Vehicle Overhaul
Very Overrated Loaded Vehicle Owners
Very Overpriced Lame Vehicle Options
VW


Value Withheld
Vehicle Wackiness
Vehicle Wannabee
Vehicular Waste
Very Weak
Very Weird
Very Worrisome
Vintage Whirligig
Vintage Wreck
Virtual Wannabee
Virtually Worthless

YAMAHA


Yet Another Mechanical Atrocity Happens Again
Your All Muscle And High Above

YUGO


Your Ugly Going Overland
Yugoslavian Unreliable Garbage to Overlook

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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Fri Mar 02, 2007 10:09 pm 
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Joined: Fri Sep 09, 2005 10:02 am
Posts: 658
Location: the Netherlands
nothing bad about OPEL :D

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if you're not breaking parts , you are not making enough power
When in doubt, increase boost !


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Sat Mar 03, 2007 9:19 pm 
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Joined: Sun Jul 04, 2004 11:34 pm
Posts: 653
Location: Wolfsburg, Germany
Opel is too insignificant to insult.......

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Life served me a lemon.... I made Lemonade out of it!


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Sat Mar 03, 2007 10:21 pm 
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Joined: Sat May 26, 2001 9:59 pm
Posts: 7823
Location: Bad Hersfeld, Germany
Opel takes care of insulting itself ... :lol:

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"Horsepower is how fast you hit the wall and torque is how far you take the wall with you."
"Speed doesn't kill - suddenly becoming stationary on the other hand ..."


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